Moving Forward After Loss
This one hits close to home since my best friend and mentor passed away a few weeks ago so this will be a longer post. I had just gone camping with her the weekend before she passed, so to get a phone call two days later was very shocking. There are not enough words to describe how much this person meant to me and how much she had an impact on my life.
There were times throughout my grieving process where my beliefs were definitely tested. My friend/mentor had taught me about death and always reminded me that when she passes away, not to be sad but to be so happy for her, for she was finally free. Of course during our deep discussions on the topic, I had the theory behind it and was in complete agreement. However, when the time comes to put the theory to practice and use it in your life, it can be a challenge. I had the best teacher about the passing on of someone, but even I struggled with this one. My feelings of loss didn’t match up with my beliefs and teachings about the death of a loved one. I felt lost – like a piece of me was missing and confused as to how I was ‘supposed’ to feel. My brain did a ping pong battle back and forth between feeling at peace with her passing and feeling the crushing loss.
The thing is, with the passing of a loved one – is that you aren’t ‘supposed’ to feel a certain way – you feel however you feel…period. Be patient with yourself and give yourself the time that you need to feel and lean on your belief system. My belief system is that we are all made up of energy and energy cannot be created nor destroyed, it just transforms. Therefore, I find it easier to move through the grieving process knowing that her energy is no longer limited by the physical body and is free, existing in the world through many forms. I believe if you open yourself up enough by focusing on the positive, like remembering all your good memories that you had together, you can raise your vibration enough to become open to receiving messages or signs.
The grieving process is different for everyone and the biggest thing that people have to remember is to be patient. This is a huge event in your life – think of a huge event in your life would be like having a baby (yes – even the guys). Would you expect perfection from yourself if you had a 2 week old? 2 month old? 1 year old? NO. Just remember perfection isn’t real – you only put unnecessary pressure on yourself.
Perfect people aren’t real and real people aren’t perfect.
It is a totally normal and human response to grieve and be sad when you have a loved one pass away. Feeling those emotions are going to happen because you are human, however, know that the longer you stay in the negative feelings of sadness, regret and despair you will attract negative things into your life. Like attracts like and the Universe doesn’t have a pause button. What I find helps is when I start to have those negative emotions I explore and work through them – pushing them down and not facing them does NOT make them go away. They will only go away for the short term, but they will resurface again and again until you deal with them and move through them so you can let them go. When you go through these emotions, always make it a point in the same wave of grief to end with a positive and happy memory you have with that person. Time heals all and eventually you will find that you only think of that person in the positive and it will hurt less.
I also find that it helps to talk to that person (usually in private – otherwise you look a little odd) just like you normally would. Their spiritual energy still remains with you; we only miss the physical body. I talk to my friend when I’m in the car and I know her energy is with me at that time and makes me feel better. During one of these drives a song came on the radio that I find so inspiring and I know that it was sent to me from my friend. I carry her lessons forward with me every day and can only strive to be half the woman that she was.
We're rivers in the night
I go left and you go right
We'll find on the other side
Who we are, who we are
We can make it into something beautiful
Yeah, we don't have to try
We can make it into something wonderful
We'll never say goodbye
-Rivers, Thomas Jack
I hope this post helps anyone that is dealing with the loss of a loved one, I am so sorry. Please be kind and patient to yourself and others during your healing process.
In memory of my bestie and mentor
Dec. 10, 1967 – August 30, 2016
See you on the other side bestie