Rise from Your Battles
This is a very common block that I see frequently and have overcome myself.
As I was doing my journaling today, I had an overwhelming feeling of sharing something personal to me that I also see people struggle with more and more.
I also find a lot of people create blocks in their own life around this issue and downgrade their dreams and their reality as a result. I’m talking about emotional issues around their father not being a part of their life - AKA ‘daddy issues’.
This is referring to anyone that has had an MIA father and have felt the deep emotional struggle with this (most of the time finding a way to numb that pain with food, drugs or alcohol – food was my drug of choice).
As a child, my parents divorced when I was 1 and I had every other weekend visits with my father – until one day when I was 5. He dropped me off to my mom and proceeded to tell her that he couldn’t see me anymore – and that was it.
No phone calls.
I tried hard to understand what I had done that would make him not want me to be his daughter. What had I done and why wasn’t I good enough – why wasn’t I worth a daddy. I buried these feelings deep down in my own pit of self-loathing and low self-esteem – until of course I became a teenager. Then I just became angry and pissed off – I looked just like him, a fact that was always pointed out, which always pissed me off because it hurt so bad.
My blocks were strong around this one – my blocks of allowing myself to be treated poorly by boys, feeling like I wasn’t worthy of love much less worthy of ANYTHING I wanted and downgrading my dreams regularly. I didn’t deserve them, right?
This is where your blocks are hiding in plain sight – but you can be too afraid to face them. I know – because sometimes they hurt too bad to look them in the eye. I stayed angry for a long time, even after my father tried to reach out and form a relationship. We tried, but I couldn’t let go of that anger that I had had for so many years. Ultimately, the last thing I told him was that we would never have a relationship – among a few other things that I unleashed after more than 15 years of pent up animosity.
It wasn’t until 10 years later, well into having children of my own, that I found out that he had passed away. I spoke with his wife and had a feeling rush over me – I knew what I had to do. I needed some form of closure to release these feelings that I was holding on to. I needed to move forward without carrying this heaviness with me all the time.
I flew out a few days before his memorial service to his house to dig through all the papers that he had saved for the past 25+ years. Papers about the divorce, child custody, drawings I had done – anything that I could get my hands on to make sense of everything that I was feeling inside.
My father’s widow and I sat up and spoke for hours about life, love, loss and family over the next few days. She was kind, generous and wise – it was her that brought out the warrior in me. She told me I reminded her of a strong Viking woman - going to a rival tribe not knowing what I was going to find, but going anyway. My need for knowing and for closure was greater than my fear – and I shed out the remaining tears that I had for my father; all the anger, hate and resentment.
It took more time and reflection than a few days’ trip to unravel years of emotional pain that I had. I took time to process and think through everything so I could release the emotions I was holding on to.
I always say everything happens for a reason and at the time that it was supposed to happen – so this is no exception. My battle of having an absent father was given to me for a reason – because it molded and shaped me into the warrior that I am today. My father played the role that he was supposed to play for me to be the person that I am today.
I also find it amazing that his widow has since become a very important person in my life. She showed me kindness in a time when she could have turned her back. She showed me compassion when she was already going through so much herself. However, had I met her at a different time in my life, I doubt the relationship would have evolved as it has. Universal timing is everything.
The correlation with having ‘daddy issues’ and manifesting with the Law of Attraction – is that you create a BIG block for yourself around this. You are holding on to negative emotions that don’t help you – they only hurt you and block you from truly chasing your dreams and manifesting your reality.
Manifesting while holding onto strong negative emotions is impossible – you will run into a block and always go back to the past. If you want to change your present and future – you must learn to release the past.
The battles that hurt you, are really playing the role that they were meant to play for you to stand up and be the best warrior you can be. Rise from your battles and always keep pushing forward.
You are brave.
You are strong.
You are worthy.
You are a warrior.
Life is What You Choose